and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
