You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
