I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
