Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
