Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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