They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
