....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
