there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
