He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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