Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
These tits shall not be calmed
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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