listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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