Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
