I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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