You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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