well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
