Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
