we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
