Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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