My underwear smells like fireworks.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Every concussion has its silver lining
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
