I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
