I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
