DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
