My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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