heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
