Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm eating all of the evidence.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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