Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
