the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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