Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The air taste purple.
Randomize
