I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
