"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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