Pants 0. Shit 1.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i think i just lost a toe
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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