Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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