new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
