Your dad touched me again.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
