I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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