sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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