you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
