Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
