I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
