Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
