i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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