You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
