he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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