yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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