Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
