Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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