I'm so fucking centered right now
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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