I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
