A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
