omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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