No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
