I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
