I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Randomize
